Read time: 5 min.

It’s hard to believe, but I owned my own set of classic pizza robots for five years- the ones that danced and sang right before your piping-hot pie arrived at the table. I’ve had a few curious people reach out since I gave them up, and I finally have a quick update on my robots’ fate.

My first encounter with pizza robots happened in the mid-1990s when I was a kid. My initial excitement gave way to anxiety as their performance dragged on. I’d made my first trip to the uncanny valley, and wow, was it disturbing! Nevertheless, I came away from the ordeal spending hours researching the restaurants, the characters, and the shows they played.

By the early 2000s, a handful of super-fans acquired their own broken-down robot shows from the original manufacturers. Against all odds, some restored them to working order! Five years ago, I learned that one of those fans lived half an hour away from me. Soon, I met the rest of a loose collective across the country who shared the same interests.

In 2019, my new friends bought seventeen abandoned animatronics that had been left to rot near Chicago. It took a collaborative effort, but the Billy Bob Brockali I received in the haul was one of the first to come back to life. Soon, I bought him a friend: Fatz Geronimo, the leader of the New Rock-afire Explosion of Showbiz Pizza fame. 

Billy Bob and Fatz came a long way since I dug them out of a jumble of broken parts. I rebuilt and replaced cylinders, made new parts on my 3D printer, commissioned new masks, and acquired new fur. Billy Bob was even playing shows! Still, they were far from tip-top shape even though I did everything I could to restore them. I spent months wrestling with the question of whether or not it was fair for me to keep them when I finally realized that it wasn’t. I sold my robots back in June.

I didn’t mention it at the time, but the guy I sold Billy Bob and Fatz to was the collector who reignited my interest in pizza robots, the guy who lives down the road. If anyone could fully restore my robots to their former glory, I reasoned, it’d be him! Unfortunately, Fatz remained a basket case. Life caught up to my buddy, and he sold him to an animatronics enthusiast in California. With a lot of luck, Fatz will live to perform again someday. I sure hope he does.

I’m a little sad by that development, but I’m pleased to report that Billy Bob has fared much better. For starters, he has a new base to stand on! My Billy Bob had been used for parts as the family fun center that owned him struggled to maintain their aging shows. As such, he was missing his cylindrical base when I rescued him. I was anxious to get him standing again, so I cobbled together a simple wooden box of my own. Bob’s new base is identical to the original manufacturer’s specification, so it’s a huge improvement. 

The second piece of news is equally unglamorous, but still important: my friend stripped Billy Bob down to his bare necessities to perform some diagnostics. There, he discovered that his neck was badly warped. That makes sense, since he spent years in a hot trailer before he was pulled out for parts! Fortunately and randomly, my friend had a spare robot neck in a box in his garage. It’s almost like he was meant to own him.

With all Billy Bob’s cosmetics removed, my buddy ordered a new turn cylinder from China and designed a pair of 3D-printed mounts. Robots from the New Rock-afire Explosion depended on their rotating stages and turntables for many of their lifelike movements. In its absence, the new cylinder should significantly help his mobility.

Seeing Billy Bob come back together is bittersweet. I feel a twinge of sadness knowing that he and Fatz are no longer under my care, but I’m convinced that letting them go to their next stewards was the right decision. Piece by piece, Billy Bob came back to life under my care. I’m incredibly proud of the work I put in to make it happen.

Still, I can’t wait to see Billy Bob back in action, performing just like he did thirty years ago. Knowing he’s in good hands and watching all that hard work pay off will make any regret I feel worth it.